Stage 1 – Getting ready – A month to launch date
You just scored that dream job in Bangalore. Your proud parents have booked your tickets and mum is busy packing the new VIP strolley with clothes and a mountain of other essentials like gamcha, Boroline, Branolia, Horlicks etc. You’ve been gathering all kinds of info on the life and times of Bangalore. You can barely wait to run away to a place with year round moderate weather and uber cool lifestyle. Bangalore heabby jayga!
Stage2 – Arrival – Day 1 to Month 2
First things first – check in to FB from Yeshwantpur station – feeling awesome in Bangalore with Angel Priya and 33 others. Take the long but scenic ride to the company provided accommodation in a super swanky serviced apartment (this is the first time you are hearing about this thing and the flat is almost too nice to believe). Rush out on the very first evening to meet the friends who are now Bangalore locals. But soon the accommodation will run out and now MagicBricks and Sulekha are your most searched sites for a shelter. You now realise how inexpensive Kolkata is and cringe at 20k+ rents for puny 2 BHKs. But hey – AC buses – thank you Lord! You’ve also learnt a smattering of Kannada – Enjoy Madi! Bangalore heabby jayga!
Stage 3 – Pubs, Shacks, good times – first six months
Now that you found the two dirty, lazy, stoner roommates to share the steep room rent, it’s time to enjoy the good life. Instapics at HRC (that’s Hard Rock Cafe you dimwit), Sky Bar at U B city, micro-breweries, Brigade, selfies in vineyards, sunrise at Nandi Hills, a rave party at Hampi – that’s been your weekend for these months. Your life has transformed from the BHETO Bengali one to a super charged hashtagged cool one. You now wear tortoiseshell sunglasses, khaki shorts with ribbed belts and flowery top like the ones in Under the Tuscan Sun. You’ve also bought yourself a cool lime green, branded sweatshirt for the chilly nights. You are now certified COOL. Bangalore heabby jayga!
Stage 4 – Settling down – six months to first year end.
You’ve now localised yourself to your BTM Layout or Marathahalli neighbourhood. The local Madhuloka (that’s a boutique booze chain – awesome!!) guys now smile at you everytime you walk in. You know where to get the best katla maach in the HAL fish market. You know that Kadugudi has Bong breakfasts of luchi and alur dom. You take your first Durga Puja long leave and walk in to a hero’s welcome at home. Proud parents complain “KOTTO ROGA HOYE GECHIS MA/BABA!” Bangalore heabby jayga!
Stage 5 – Getting used to it all – Year 1 end
You’ve now been there and the done most of what Bangalore had to offer. You now smirk at new wannabes. Now you are busy with your career and the small but uber cool bunch you hang out with at Costa Coffee. You have a regular routine of partying and getting high. But these are mostly House Parties now. You keep hearing about the sad state of your native and are often heard saying “Kolkatar kissu hobena.” Bangalore heabby jayga!
Stage 6 – Homesick – 2 Years onwards.
This is when the pink glasses start fading. Frustru is a term you sometimes identify with. The job sucks, money is too little, manager is an asshole. Your pubbing-clubbing days are behind you. You fell in love with that cute guy/girl and then swiftly broke up cause she/he was too needy (You never thought you would be this hardcore but you are now). Empty BP bottles line a corner of your room. The gamcha mum packed is now faded and torn. Nowadays you say – “Kolkata te opportunity nei bolei Bangalore e pore achi. Nahole kobe chole jetam.” Bangalore ototao bhalo na.
Stage 7 – Complaints -2.5 years +
The rampant pollution. Hour long traffic jams at Graphite India or Aggara (You now know it’s not AGRA). Bangalore has changed so much – “Weather change hoye geche.” It wasn’t this hot when you came down. It gets on your nerves when your colleagues get lunch in Tupperware bags and you keep eating the sad Andhra mess food. Bangalore PHALTU jayega.
Stage 8 – EBAR BARI JABO – 3 years.
Who the hell curses Kolkata anymore! It’s home and it’s awesome! You strat forwarding your CV to friends and pester your manager for a transfer to the Kolkata center. Family problems, marriage plans, grand mom’s health, family business and even serious illness are now all good reasons to put up for your urgent need to move back. Bangalore PHALTU jayega.
Stage 9 – Acceptance – 5 years.
You manager has been promising an on-site trip for a year now. The jobs in Kolkata never materialised. Bangalore sucks. Life sucks. Rent is hellish. All your FB posts are now on Kolkata nostalgia – hot kati roll, tram, taxi, Amar Shohor. Soon, on constant pestering by the stil proud parents you’ve got yourself an ABP Weddings registration. You meet a boy/girl at 6 Ballygunge Place in Indiranagar and you both share your experiences about Bangalore, complaints and nostalgia about the good old days in Kolkata. Time to apply for the huge home loan. But the CV forwarding still on. Jodi lege jaye…
Let us know if we missed something you felt when in Bangalore.